Where do I start?
It’s time! Recently I began my journey of sharing family stories: I shared what I’d captured in writing and photos about my mother’s life with members of the family. Her request to withhold sharing her stories until she after she passed on has been honoured.
Questions around making family stories available to the wider circle, and ultimately to the wider community, is knowing what to write, where to draw the line in what is shared and when to publish.
Tough decisions
Shortly after my mother passed away, I wrote a short piece testifying to an energetic approach that helped both my mother and myself manage those last challenging months. It was a tough call, having responded to a request to write it and being entrusted to let it go forward to publication, to unexpectedly heed a clear and loud message from my ancestors to not publish.
You see, at first, I thought it was fear. Fear of putting self out there. Fear of what others might do with my story. Fear of not being understood. And not knowing how to handle all that, I pulled back. Yes, I’d been burnt before. This response predominated, yet it was much deeper. Sharing one’s life story and those of others is a journey of trust.
Honouring Values
In fact, it wasn’t fear at all. After deep reflection on why I prevaricated, it was honouring my mother’s wish for privacy, something that unfolded with increasing awareness in the days following her passing and my decision to hold back. In part it is called grieving. It is also called honouring family values. An incredibly private family, it is a wonder I am even writing this! Let alone thinking I’ll publish it!
But the time has now come. As poorly written as the memories of my mother are, (I could offer several excuses for that), they are nevertheless, precious memories. I know that she read and re-read what I wrote: they reminded her of who she was, of the life she had lived, of her input into life. They are now shared within the family, where they matter the most.
What happens from here?
It is now time for me to move forward by looking back. How on earth does one do both at the same time?!
Naturally reflective, I like to learn from the past. As I enter an era heralded by a number I am loathe to disclose but glad to have achieved, I know I have more years behind me than ahead of me! It is time to write the stories, share them with family and prospectively publish them. That is my goal.
Where will I find my stories?
My 50 crates of family history stored in a shed in our back yard need to be distilled into family stories that I can pass on to my children and grandchildren. Over the years I created both wonder and disappointment in family expectations to participate in family gatherings, collect history and so on. I’d wax and wane with enthusiasm.
Capturing other people’s lives on paper or in making sense of photos of people long gone was far less important than current matters. I was caught up in raising my own family: I just wanted to live my own life. Even so, my mother relentlessly fed me family history from a young age. Now, I am, in fact, deeply grateful. Oddly, now that she is gone, I am more able to focus on writing about the photos, memorabilia and stories that I can share from memory and uncover from research. I guess it comes down to having more time to do so.
I have made inroads and I am now writing, once again. I’ll share the process. I’ll share snippets, photos, possibly some of the stories, along the way. Wish me well on my journey.
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